My year with God since February 2015

Last January, I was really struggling with depression.  Then, I was shown an outpouring of love.

I was then able to go on a retreat with my youth group. It was exactly what I needed. I was surrounded by God and his love and people I love. Then in may, I graduated from high school.

In July, I went on a mission trip with my youth group. On our last night there, we did an activity that is called the encouragement circle. When my youth pastor came to me, he asked me to become an adult leader for him. I said yes without any second thoughts. I had been praying  he would ask me.

In August, I started being a leader. I have really enjoyed seeing the students grow in Christ. It has been a blessing for me!!! I really didn't want to leave my youth group and I  didn't have too.

Then this past weekend, we went on d-now again. I was a leader this time. It has been a huge blessing. It does not matter whether you're a student of not, it can still mean something for you. It sure did mean something for me. It taught me to read my bible more and actually apply it not just read it. Then during he last worship service, my best friend comes to me during the invitation time and says I want to talk to you. Her and I went and talked. She said to me, "You can probably tell, but I've been running from God and I want to come back!" I prayed with her and she rededicated her life to Christ!!! I was so proud and still am!!! It has been an absolutely amazing weekend!!!!

What has God done for me this year? A question asked at youth group

Last night at church, my youth pastor asked us, what has God done for you this year. I didn't answer because we would have been there all night. It starts all the way back to January. In January, I thought that God wasn't paying attention to me, but he was. I started having some emotional trouble and I had to be a hospital for a week. When I was first there, I was angry with God for taking me away from my mom. As the week went on, it grew harder to be away from home. The doctor they gave me was absolutely horrible and basically dissed my disability while I was there. The day before I was discharged, my mom went down and spoke with the nurse and said why is my daughter still here. She should've been out yesterday! When the nurse told me that my mom had been in to discuss discharge, I knew automatically I was going home the next day because that's just how my mom is. I was discharged at noon the next day. I was so happy to be with my mom again it wasn't even funny!!! God got me through that horrible week! That's the first thing he did. Then when I got home, I received an outpouring of love and support!!! He made me feel loved all over again. I lost all feeling of love when I went to the hospital.

 Then two and half weeks later, I turned 18. My birthday was the best I have ever had! In may, I graduated from high school! In June, he got me through the tough time I had quitting my job!!! I miss everyone I worked with including the children I helped take care of! Also in June, I was a counselor for Junior High week at camp!!! I had the best time and met the best girls!!! In July, I went on a mission trip with my youth group and best friend. It was Lexi's first time going and I really enjoyed seeing her grow in her faith as did I!!!! Then I went to camp as a camper two weeks at the end of July!!!!!! I made new friends and my faith grew even more!!!! Then in August I started college and become a leader for my youth group!!!! I just finished my first semester of college!!! I have had a year full of blessings!!!

The time that I was brought out of my shell

When I was in middle school, I was incredibly shy and didn't want to stand up for myself at first. That didn't last more than a quarter and half of the year. One day my English teacher started telling me that you need to stand up for yourself or the bullying will just keep happening. I loved her ever since that day. She helped me to come out of the hiding place I felt like I was in. She's the real reason I want to be a teacher.
In eighth grade, I also had the best math teacher ever. She helped bring me out my shell even more than I was at the beginning of my eight grade year. Then she really was just plain there for me in January of that year. In November, my best friend moved in. Then in January, I learned we couldn't be in math class together any more. I was in absolute tears in her class the day he went to special Ed and she helped me realize it's the best for him. I felt much better which just made my shell break even more.

Now that I'm graduating, I'm going to miss them very much; but I will have them forever in a special place in in my heart. They are truly the best teachers ever. Thanks Mrs. Mattingly and Mrs. Lang.

People in my life

I forewarn you, this will be a long post.

I have been thinking as the reality sets in that I am a senior in high school this school year and will be a freshman in college next school year, that I have a lot of people in my life that need to see my graditiude. God has shown me over the past few months that if it wasn't for some of the people I'm going to write about, my life wouldn't be the way it is.
Let's start off with my mom. When I was diagnosed with autism, she immediately knew that I needed an strong advocate for a mom, and she has accomplished that more than she realizes. Having a disability makes people look at me in a different way and that way sometimes isn't good. I am a big target of bullying and when it happens she's right on it to make sure it stops. That's why when I'm on the phone at school and sound upset or am crying, the teachers who know me know I'm talking to my mom. She is always there for me even if I wait till I get home to explain what has happened. I love my mom so much, she has no idea how much. Even when I screw up, there is a deep love that I have for her that cant be broken. I'm usually in tears for an hour after I screw up because I love her so much. She literally has no idea.

The next person is my former therapist Kim. She wasn't just my therapist, she was and still is a friend to me. She was my therapist during a hard time for my family. She was the person would take me swimming when my mom couldn't because of school. I miss her everyday. I know I did something for her too even as a five year old and the fact that my mom told me that I did that as a older person, I cherish our memory even more. If I didn't beg her to take me to the pool all the time, she wouldn't have her family! When my mom told me that I did that for her because she met her husband at the pool, I about cried because being five when it happened I didn't know what I was doing. I will cherish the memory of her and I being at the pool for all the days of my even more then I did before I knew that. No wonder when my cousin Greg was going to school in Arizona, and his mom was living with me, gave her my address and she sent me pictures of her at her wedding!

The next person is my sister! She was the one there when I was little when both my mom or Kim couldn't be there. She was the one who drove me to see Kim before we moved to Lubbock. She was the one along with my mom who loved me through the loss of Kim no longer being able to be my therapist and losing all my friends from school in Arizona. That was the largest group of friends in my life since then. I had just a few below that in third grade, and middle school. But in between those years, I only had about ten friends, and only one all around friend. Now it's just the same, but I have three all around friends. She also let me be in her wedding which touched me so much that our relationship grew. Now it's even stronger because of her wonderful kids!!!!! 

The next person is my second mom, Ann! When my mom and I moved to Kentucky, she homeschooled me and Ann helped me make friends with one of them being her daughter. She always lets me come over to her house when I need to so my parents can save gas money. She even let me stay overnight one time when my dad was in the hospital. I can't even begin to imagine that her daughter is going to be high school next year! She was six when we moved here. Ann was the one who made me feel welcome in church when we first started there. She always prays for me when I ask her too. In August we had a farewell luncheon for her and her family. Our pastor said that she is a very good listener. She is certainly, especially in my life. If I was having a hard time with my dad and I needed someone to talk to, she would always listen to me. She would end my talking with the same thing every time, "Ill pray for you, Hannah!" Now that she has moved, I seriously thought about leaving my youth group because she wont be there each week anymore, but I have recently learned from God that if I do that I would be hurting a lot of people, even me! I defiantly don't want to be hurt even more than I am by her move!!!! She has done so much for me, and I'm so glad its not a permanent move!!!! She'll be back in Kentucky my junior year in college!!!
The next person is my sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Miller!!! She came into my life during a time I was dealing with major loneliness and on my first day she had my friend, who became my friend that day, help me get my desk and binder set up.  She, even after sixth grade, has made me feel very loved!
The next person is my seventh grade English teacher, Mrs. Mattingly. She taught me how to stand up for myself without being afraid. During middle school, she called me her shadow! She taught me to get out of my shell and dance at school dances. That did more than that for me, it taught me how to be a free spirit! My dad picks on me because my dream car is a mustang- he thinks its because she drove one. Its partly that, but its because I know ill be me in that car and that's what Mrs. Mattingly taught me, is to be me! She has inspired me to become a middle school teacher and that's exactly what I am majoring in. So many people know that this is a hard job and I know that, but when I have a hard day once I become a teacher, all ill have to do is think of her and what she did for me, and my day will become instantly better. That's how much Mrs. Mattingly has touched me.
Next is my eight grade math teacher! She taught me how to be the friend I am now to my all time best friend, Dominic!!!! When he moved in, I had been praying for God to give me a friend for my high school years so I'm not lonely because I knew that my friends would be living different lives by the time we were freshmen! What I didn't know, was that he was planning to give me that friend before I even left middle school! That was a shock! Mrs. Lang helped me to become the person Dominic looks up to in school for help when the teachers couldn't be there to help him. I didn't know I would be doing more than that in high school! She also helped me calm down when they had to switch his math class to special education because that's what's easier for him. That was one day I felt like I could cry all day and Mrs. Lang hugged me and told me that the school is taking care of his needs, but there were still ways for me to be his friend!
Can you guess the next person, it's Dominic! He has been the best answer to prayer I could have ever imagined! After the middle school switched him to special education math, we were still in band together! We had all district band tryouts so we had a day together that I dreamed of ever since they took him out of my math class. While I was in my audition, my parents told him how I was feeling, which was that we might not be friends anymore. I came out and I got to him, and then stands up and says to me, "We will still be friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That started the rest of our relationship!!! I help him with fire drills now and school!!! Every time we have a school trip together, I'm just ecstatic to have the whole day or the evening with him I feel the same when we get together outside of school! I have learned the past few days that he will also be going to college with me even if it will be six months after I'm already in college.
The next person is my assistant principal, Mr. Schrader. He has done so much for me, its not even funny. He always talks to my teachers when I ask him too and always deals with the people who bully me. He's the one who let me start helping Dominic during fire drills.
All my teachers in high school have done a lot for me too.
If you are mentioned in this blog, thanks for all you've done in my life!

My dad

This winter has sure proved I don't deserve to do anything. My dad sure has made me feel this way too. Every time we've had a winter storm, my church activities have gotten ruined. Tonight, I was finally able to go despite the weather, and they still have to come get me. Another ruined night right before my eyes. I can't help but feel sick of the things I love to do getting ruined and all my dad cares about is getting home. He thinks I'm selfish all the time, and I'm not. He has no idea how much I do for my best friend!!!! I sacrifice time out of my classes to help him with his needs. Who does that not many people!!!! wish he would understand how much my church means to me and that I would like for once to stay through the whole thing which hasn't happened very much this winter. When my mom and I moved to Kentucky, my church were the ones who picked me up and put me under their wings after being upset for moving once again! They were my only friends for a long time!!! They still are the best friends I have besides my two best friends here at home. All I want is to be with my friends without it getting ruined and my father doesn't get that. My church knows what love is and they sure give an outpouring love to me. I wish my dad would understand that they are the people I'm gunna miss a lot when I leave for college! I can't even bring myself to say goodbye to the people who have me under their wing and care for me so much!!!!! How is this being selfish? It's being happy that your loved by so many people and wanting to be with those people!!!!!!!!! 

Getting Resaved this summer

I know you can only get saved once and that's it-you are a Christian. Its a feeling of being resaved even though it wasn't a real second time.

This summer I got baptized. I realized after my baptism that I know I was saved at seven, but I was saved because I wanted to be like my family and the answers to my questions before I was saved were enough.

My mom told me once, that you asked God to be in your heart, but you never asked for him to be the Lord of your life.

After my baptism, I realized that I am more of a Christian then I ever was. I started thinking about my chrysalis and how much it meant to me then and how much it means to me now.

I really felt I was a saved all over again. My friends at camp were so loving and proud of me for asking God to forgive me and become the Lord of my Life!!!! I actually declared that I believe in God twice  that week in front of everyone. I felt so blessed. I had thought about having my church I go to youth group baptize me, but God told me to wait for camp. He was totally right!!!!!!

One friend in particular really helped me in wanting to get baptized. My first year at camp her and I were talking during evening activity one night about me getting baptized and being Christians. She gave me a compliment last year that has blessed me and will for the rest of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!! She said," You are AMAZING and DON'T let anybody tell you ANY DIFFERENT!!!!!!!" When I finally decided in about March of this year to get baptized, I realized doing it at Camp would be awesome since she encouraged me to have it there.

Then I got a Facebook message from her saying that she couldn't go to camp and I cried for an hour. I said to God, "Why did you have me wait if the reason can't even happen?" I even thought about not going to camp this year. Then God spoke to me and said, "That's not me, that is the enemy trying to get you to not get baptized. Go to camp, you will meet other people and they can witness your baptism. Shea is not the only one that will witness it even if she did go." I told my mom, I will go and I will meet other people." She said to me, "That's a great attitude to have!" I went and after my parents left after helping me make my bed and get me registered, I get another Facebook message from Shea saying," I have a surprise for you!" I immediately  went out of my cabin and looked for her. At dinner I'm eating and see someone looking in the window looking for Brad. It was Shea!!!! I immediately jump up and ran to hug her!!!! God brought my friend to camp. Brad and my Cabin mom let me even switch cabins to be in with Shea!!!!!

Then Jake formed our "Families". He saw Shea and I sitting with each other and he put her on my "family". Then we went into our groups and met each other. Jake told us to say something about being there that week. I said," That when she told me she wasn't going, I thought about not going, and then when she showed up, I knew God wanted me to be here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Shea said. " That makes me feel so awesome!!!!!!!!" I was so glad on the inside that I made her feel that way!!!!!!!

Wednesday of that week comes. That's when I declared in believe in Christ the first time and Shea leads the encouragement circle.  When I was the middle getting compliments, Shea said, " You are great friend and I love you!!! You always take my advice when I give it to you!!!!!" That blessed the socks off of me!!!!!!!

Thursday of that week came, and everyone dressed up for the last night!!!! Shea and I always have girlie conversations on that night!!! I love it!!!!!!!

She even invited me to her birthday party in August on that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday of that week came. BAPTISM TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited to finally have Jesus be the Lord of my Life!!!!!!! We get our awards for the week, then my parents show up. Then Jake calls me up to get in the water!!!! I got baptized in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy spirit and for the remission of my sins!!!!!!!!! Jake dunks me, and I come up a brand new person and I felt like one too!!!!!!!! The whole audience screamed whoooooooooo and clapped for me when I came up from underneath the water!!!!! Then I get out of the baptistery, and every camper and adult hugged me even though I'm wet. A girl that was a guest all week-her name is abby said," I will hug you, I know I will get wet, but I DON'T CARE!!!!!" I wanted to cry, but I didn't!!! Shea comes to hug me and says," I'm so PROUD of you!!!!!!!!" Then it came time to hug my mom, and I squeezed her!!!!!

I didn't want to leave camp that day at all, but I had to so I did!!!!! I cried when we left. I even had to go back to get my purse!!!!!!!!

Then in July, I got to back to Camp for their missions week. I learned so much!!!!!! I had a cool experience while I was there. Mark was talking about how baptism isnt just an act-it doesn't save you!!!!! My cabin mom's little four year old asks her mom," Do people get baptized in that water over there?" Her mom said yes. Then she asked," Has anybody gotten baptized this summer? Her mom said, "I'm sure but not this week!" Then I said, "Emmmma, I did!!!!!!!!!" I loved that I got to tell a little girl I got baptized!!!!!!

I didn't want to leave camp especially this time. I cried saying goodbye to Brad because I know that it was my last time seeing him!!!!!!!!!!!


I had a great summer at camp, CAN YOU TELL?!!!!!!!!!!!

Camp year #2

I had such an amazing week at camp. In fact I want to go back before the summer is over for their missions week. I learned so much. The dean couldn't had said it better- the camp has played a huge part in my spiritual development. It has done that for sure. I got baptized yesterday. This school year was so hard for me that I felt that God wasn't there for me. God was always there for me, but he has come back according to my feelings. I feel so blessed and different. Thanks God and camp friends.